The future beholds a stunningly handsome husband, 2 beautiful kids, a golden retriever that does not poop in the house. Your car is gorgeous, never gets stuck in the snow or leaves you stranded with no gas. Your never miss a house payment and you're never late for work.
Yeah...Right.
The future beholds a divorcee with 2 kids who fight all the time, can't seem to keep their grades up in Math and English, your dog literally just ate your assignment from work then pooped it out on the rug. You're two months behind on your house payment, just waiting for the check to come in from your ex-husband's child support, and I'll be darned if you hit EVERY single red light to work every single day.
That's more like it.
What would you do if someone told you they could tell you exactly how your future would pan out? No, not one of those crazy psychic hot lines, but the real deal. Heck, maybe even God Himself. He can tell you exactly how your life with be. Would you want to know? Would you want to know if your life was going to be peachy perfect? Would you want to know if your life was going to be not exactly how you planned it?
I was asked this recently by a gentleman I just met. It's obviously a question people might use to get a better idea at who someone is, what kind of personality they have, but it got me thinking.
I can't say if poised with the opportunity I wouldn't do it, though I'd like to say I'd decline. If we knew exactly how our life was going to pan out, good or bad, what would the point in living be? There would be none! You figure, the future already told you what was going to happen so why try? Why work every day? Build your life with someone if you know they are going to leave in the end? Life is meant to be lived. Life won't always be what you expect it to be. Heck, Life is sometimes spelled Hell, but it's also sometimes spelled Heaven. And people need something to live for, and that something is the unknown. We don't know how our life will pan out, but we know we got to live it to make it happen.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
A Smoker's Tale to Clean Lungs
On April 10, 2008 I woke up to a call from my then-boyfriend. I had secretly been smoking behind his back for the first 6 months of us being together. Because of who he was and the fact he was a single father to his two children I knew if I wanted to stay with him I would eventually have to quit. The truth? I didn't want to quit.
On my 25th birthday I was around all my family, and all my family smokes. I had a cough for a few days, and that evening my eyes were running and my throat was itchy. This is how Darby, my then-boyfriend, grew suspicious.
"My eyes won't stop watering", I complained.
"Well, you were at your dad's. Does he smoke?", Darby replied.
"Yes, he does."
"What about your brother? Does he smoke?"
"Yes."
"What about your sister? Does she smoke?"
"Yes."
"What about you? Do you smoke?"
...............
Finally, in a muffled tone, "Yes....."
And that was that. We talked about it, he asked if I wanted to quit. I lied and said I did because I knew I couldn't be a smoker if I wanted to be with him. But somehow, I thought I could still lie and hide it. That conversation took place on April 6th. On April 10th, I got asked again. Having already smoked one cigarette that morning (I muted the phone so he couldn't hear me light it), I told him I wouldn't do again. I had a full pack of Marlboro Reds, with just the one missing. With Darby's help via the phone, I drove my 40 minutes to work and gave the rest of the cigarettes to my then-boss, Darren.
To say quitting was easy would be the biggest lie I ever told. It was probably the hardest thing I had done since losing my mom to cancer 4 years earlier. Darby helped. I could not have done it without him. He texted and called constantly while apart to make sure I wasn't smoking. I didn't want to lie, and I didn't want to lose him, so I never smoked. I just went crazy.
Everyone around me smoked. My dad, brothers, sister, bosses, co-workers, friends. I lived with my brother and his girlfriend. They smoked. I used to sit inside work while everyone walked outside in the nice weather to smoke. I would literally poke my nose in the cracks of the door to smell the smoke. My senses were amazing. I could be at a red light with my windows down and be able to smell the cigarette being smoked by the person in front of me. I would sit on my couch to watch a movie and just stare at my brother and girlfriend smoking.
You have crazy thoughts when you are depriving yourself of something you are addicted to. You can't function or do things you did every single day previously without having that need, that want. I got up in the morning, and wanted a cigarette. I took a shower then wanted a cigarette. Long deliveries, I wanted a cigarette. I got angry, I got sad, then I got angry again. I prayed and talked to God. I made up songs about smoking being bad for you, and all the things it did to your lungs and body. I made up songs about the devil, and how it was the devil that wanted me to smoke. I spent all my free time with or talking/texting Darby to help keep me motivated not to smoke; to keep me out of positions that would allow me to smoke.
I got lucky. I was blessed to have my faith in God and prayer, as well as an extremely supportive and somewhat controlling boyfriend to help keep me from smoking. I didn't have to join a support group. Three years I have yet to smoke a cigarette. I didn't use any online tools, patches, gum, pills, etc. Just the Lord, Darby, friends, and family. It was complete and utter cold turkey.
The want is still there sometimes. The hardest part, I think, about quitting an addiction is breaking habits. The times and places you smoked, the people you smoked with. Smoking when you're nervous, stressed, happy, mad, bored, after eating. But the fact remains it can be done. You can quit!
This is just my story. Like I mentioned above, I got blessed with good friends and family. Even though Darby and I are no longer together or on speaking terms, I am eternally grateful for his support in helping me to a healthier lifestyle and cleaner lungs. You may not have that, but there are online tools to help. Doctors, support groups, websites, aids such pills, patches, and gum. I am going to include a few links. I did not research these, just found them via Google. If you have any questions regarding my personal story or want my help with support to help you, please email me!
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